Coping with Depression while in the Waiting Place.

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          We all know that the waiting place is a sucky place to be in. If you are not familiar with that term let me explain it to you really quick. The waiting place is when you get to a part of your life where you don’t have much control in what happens next. You basically just have to wait and see what happens. For me it’s not knowing when I’m going to get a job and start that new chapter of my life. All I can do is keep applying and keep WAITING. I don’t know when an Employer will finally give me a callback and offer me a job. For others the waiting place might be a broken heart and trying to heal from a divorce. It could even be health related. You could be taking multiple tests to try and figure out what’s wrong with you, and you’re waiting for the doctor to give you answers. The waiting place can be a scary place to be in. The fear of not knowing is beyond terrifying. It feels like you’re just waiting to exhale. The thoughts consume you so much that you feel like you cannot relax because you can’t help but wonder what’s going to happen next. It’s hard not to slip into a funk and become depressed when you’re in the waiting place for a long period of time. After awhile the waiting place got dark for me, but this is how I saw the light at the end of the tunnel.

          The first thing I had to do was get up and get out. I couldn’t change the fact that I wasn’t getting callbacks, so I had to focus on what I could change. Since I gained over 30 pounds during this time of waiting I figured I would focus on my body. I started working out at home because I wasn’t ready to go out into the world yet. I started to feel better, but I wasn’t seeing much movement on the scale. I decided to rejoin the world and join a gym. I picked a lowkey gym that I knew I would have a good chance of NOT running into anyone I knew. I was so ashamed of my weight gain and having no job after getting my degree. I didn’t want to run into anyone and have the unwanted small talk. The fear of hearing that age-old question “What are you doing now?” I wasn’t mentally prepared for that. Most people in this city go to the YMCA, Planet Fitness, Golds Gym or even other small chains that we have around here. I was confident that this place was hidden enough and too inconvenient for most people to go to. It was perfect for me. It was very close, so I would walk there 5 times a week. I was finally getting some vitamin d and breathing fresh air. I was feeling better.

          The next thing I did (or maybe the first) was work on my mind and my thoughts. Most of us have something that we believe in. We all might not have the same beliefs, but a lot of us believe in a higher power. I started to work on my mental and spiritual health. I would listen to sermons twice a week on my podcast, and motivational speakers. I needed to become hopeful again and regain faith that everything will be okay. I needed that peace of mind. For some it may not be religion. It might be through meditation or yoga, but we all need something to feed our souls. Doing this twice a week helped keep my mind in a good place and focus on the possibilities rather than what’s not going right. After a while I started to go to church. I still listen to church sermons on my podcast but now I try my best to physically go to church weekly.

          Another thing I did was find something to occupy my free time. It could be a hobby, a project or housework. What do you love to do? Do you love to write, paint, build models, play an instrument, read or anything else? I had the time to do what I wanted and now that my spirits were up, and I wasn’t as mopey as I was. I finally had the energy to do things that I wanted. I started to go back to studying a foreign language. It’s something that I want to do and it’s something that can be added to my job resume so that’s a great way to use my free time. I also write more. As I mentioned in a previous post I’ve always been self-conscious when it comes to my writing and grammar. Writing has never been a strength of mine. It’s been mediocre at best, but despite all that I still finished grad school with a good GPA. I enjoy writing when I’m not forced to write about something that I have no interest in. I might not be the best, but I like expressing my feelings and I also like writing stories. I just love creating things and expressing myself, and sometimes the two intertwine. We all have something that we love. It can be cooking, reorganizing your home, or getting involved in an important cause. Try to find the light in between the storm clouds.

          When it’s all said and done I was really falling in deep you guys. It was a dark place and I couldn’t see myself getting out of it. I felt misunderstood, tired, lifeless and unhappy. It’s easy to get caught up in the waiting place. I had to make a change and focus on my wellbeing. I needed to be okay physically, mentally/psychologically, and spiritually before I can offer the best version of myself to any job. If I am not okay, it will show through. It’s not all rainbows and roses. I still have my down days every now and then, but I am smiling and laughing now. I’m getting out of the house and appreciating the things that I do have. I am learning how to let go and stop focusing on the things that I can’t control, and better yet I finally have hope again. It’s hard not to worry when I’m in desperate need of money, and I have a mountain of student loans waiting to be paid off. No matter how frightening it is, I just can’t get lost in it because there is nothing I can do that I’m not already doing. I just have to wait. In the meantime, I will continue to work on me so when the job offers finally roll in I will be ready to bring my best self.


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