Hey Guys! I wish that I had good news to report. If you remember my last post you know that I recently went back to school. I shared my fears of going back and facing that mental block again. I wondered would it be the same or would it be different. When I first started school everything was great! I was making A’s and I was getting by. As the weeks went by it was getting a little harder but I was still maintaining my work pretty well. Everything was simply okay until vacation time hit. I had a trip planned 18 months in advance, and I was without internet for the majority of my trip. I tried to do as much as I could before I left, but half of my work wasn’t even available until the module week. Once I was on vacation I was so relaxed and not thinking about homework. I reached out to my professor before my trip and I was told that I had to turn it in on time, so it didn’t matter that I was in a no internet zone. I was discouraged, but I thought to myself “oh well there’s not much I could do about it now.” I decided to just enjoy my vacation. I needed it after this stressful year.
By the time I got back to the states I had 3 days to finish all the work I didn’t get to turn in. I was stressed and I couldn’t focus. Before I knew it I was behind every week. We only had 2.5 weeks left of class once I returned to the states, but I didn’t get home until a few days after. I only had 2 more weeks and I couldn’t dig myself out of the hole. I didn’t realize that not every assignment can be turned it late, so I wasted time doing assignment that my professor never counted. On some assignments you can turn it in no more than a week late with point deductions, but that didn’t go for every assignment. After the zeros and my final disaster there was no way I was getting out of this hole. I received my first F. I hated seeing that “F” every time I would look at my grades. I knew that school was no longer for me. It just made me remember the most stressful times in my life and it just takes me to a dark place. I was so stressed out from school and the ongoing job search. I gained back all the weight I lost in less that 2 months. I just can’t get a win.
So now what? What’s next? After walking away from school Navient is back at my door. I’m still trying to be optimistic and hopeful, but I’ve been in the waiting place for too long now. Looking at this six figure school loan debt it’s obvious that I need a miracle. I’m hoping that 2019 will be my year of positive change in my job search.