Hello world, back again with a quick update. It has been a little over a year and a half since I started the job search, and 1 year and 8 months since I finished grad school. Recently, I was going through a process to get a hired by this company who does a lot of work that’s offered over the internet. It looked like a great opportunity. It was an at home, no phone, make your own schedule type of job. I was like…SCORE! If you get through the application process, they contact you letting you know the pay and they ask you to sign some papers. The hourly wage was actually better than most of the jobs that you can find around here. So of course I was hopeful and eager, but before you could officially get the job you had to take a test and study. I’m not going to lie it was super hard. I didn’t pass the test, and I was offered to take it again. I studied and even though I did much better I didn’t get as many right as they wanted. One thing that bothered me was that a lot of their questions contradicted each other. I attended their online seminar to understand the work and they might have told you one thing about a particular question and on the test it was something else. It could be the exact same set up but a different answer. You could disagree and explain why, but it didn’t matter. They didn’t care. If you didn’t get it then it was tough crap! I thought it was unbelievably unfair because they contradicted themselves a lot. It was a long process and I’m upset that I wasted my time, but at least I tried. Somethings are just not meant to be. After everything I went back into another funk. I felt mentally drained and tired. Why is this happening? Why is it so hard? I don’t know the answers. I’m trying to understand, and I can’t come up with an answer. I’m hoping everything that’s happening is because of a bigger picture that I can’t see just yet.
I often believe that things happen to put you in a position to receive something greater than what you could ever imagine. Maybe I’m wrong, maybe I’m right. I would like to think that no doors are opening for me because something better is coming. I sure hope so because going through this storm has been the most draining experience. I’ve never felt so tested in my life. I’m trying to hold on to my faith, but as time flies by it gets harder and harder to hold on. Some days I feel broken. I know they say hearing no after no can break you, and you have to make sure that it doesn’t affect your mental. I understand that, but after awhile it’s hard to stay strong. I just want to disappear some days, and other days I find that little bit of strength to keep going and continue to dream. It’s during those days of strength I try to remain hopeful and believe that great things will happen. I’ve always felt that great things would happen, but I’ve been in the waiting place for so long that it’s hard to continue to believe that everything will be fine. It’s hard to trust the process when it feels like everything is falling down on you all at once. The feeling of having no control over what happens is such a scary feeling. It’s like you’re in a freefall wondering when you’re going to hit the ground.
JustGottaMakeIt 