I don’t know what to say right now. I just felt the need to write, or should I say type. I am not a big drinker, but I’m currently drinking. So I apologize in advance if this is not making any sense. It’s been one of those days you know. My emotions have been on level 100 and I just don’t know how to deal. To be honest I am full of different emotions. I am worried, afraid, angry, anxious and everything in between. If you are a follower of my blog, then you know what I been through and where I’m at. Since the pandemic has been in full effect, I haven’t been to therapy in a while so I’m trying to find ways to deal with everything. I thought I was slowly doing better, but things just keep happening and taking me by surprise. As I stated in my previous posts, I lost a lot of people towards the end of 2019. 2019 felt surreal. I felt some horrible pain. Well lately, my dad hasn’t been doing to well. I’ve been begging for him to go to the doctors for so long now, but he always brushed it off. My biggest fear is losing one of my parents. I have been blessed with great parents and the thought of losing any of them tears me apart. I hate the fact that he’s so stubborn and won’t just go to the doctors especially after all our family went through the last 7 months. I don’t think I could ever survive a loss of this magnitude. I’m still trying to deal with losses from last year. I wouldn’t know how to carry on. I ask for your prayers. Life already felt different before the pandemic. It felt like there was a constant gray cloud over us since last November. I don’t think we could take anymore. I don’t know what to do, but we’re going to do whatever it takes for him to listen. A part of me want to pray, but if u read my post from 2 weeks ago (My Struggle with my Faith & Why I still BELIEVE. ) then you know my current struggle. There’s nothing more that I want than to have blind faith and to believe that everything will be fine, but after last fall it’s hard to muster up the strength. I don’t know if you are a believer, but if you are please keep us in your prayers and pray that everything will be okay. Thanks in advance, and thanks for reading.