Today I had a moment, and I had to take a second and reflect. Lately it feels like most of the world has been on pause, and I guess my emotions have been put on paused as well. Just when I think I’m finally at a good place, something happens, and I feel like breaking. How can I be “all together” one second and feel so down the next? It’s amazing what we suppress and when we get slightly triggered it feels like the walls around us are collapsing. Every time I try to make a positive step it seems like something pops up and keeps me from making that step. I’m not the type of person who celebrates before something happens out of fear that it might not actually happen. This time, however, I actually did get excited beforehand. And I thought that maybe a burden that’s been hanging over me for years would finally get resolved this year. When this particular roadblock popped up, I just feel like I couldn’t catch a break. I know I shouldn’t get upset on the things that I cannot control, but it’s like I just want something to actually workout for once. I feel like I have been on this long-extended journey trying to get myself together. Every step I take I get pushed back 2 more steps. In the words of Daughtry “I’m trying to hit the mark, but I’m shooting with broken arrows.” To the outside looking in I could only imagine what people might think. Years ago, someone told me that I sucked at life. It was said as a joke, but I always think about it. The fact that things keep falling apart makes me think that he was right. Fast forward to now and not much has changed, so what does that say about me? I’m tired of taking my aim when I keep on missing. I feel like a joke that’s no longer funny and I’m just tired now.
JustGottaMakeIt 