I’m going to get a little vulnerable and open today. I’m going to touch upon a topic that’s a little touchy for me. As a teenager I use to say I wanted 10 or 12 children (yeah, I know🥴 ). My parents came from larger families and I just liked the thought of having a full house. After my siblings had children, I realized how hard it was. So 10 to 12 narrowed down to 4 and then to 3. As I reached 24, I decided that I didn’t want any children. My husband and I got married with the thought of children not being for us, but as the years flew by, I’m becoming more unsure by the day. In the last year or two I’m starting to see myself wanting to be a mom. I watch moms with their kids, and I get a little emotional. I’m afraid that this could be a decision that I regret. As I get older, I feel that biological clock ticking that everyone is always talking about. I keep hearing that if you get pregnant after 35 then it’s considered a geriatric pregnancy and the rate for complications go up tremendously. I always get scared hearing that. It feels like I have only a few years to make up my mind, and if I don’t have them by 35 then I might have to just let the idea of being a mom go. It’s just a lot of pressure that I’m feeling. People keep telling me that if I want to have them, I need to start now, and I should’ve started yesterday. The pressure just piles up.
The majority of the people I know had their first child in their early or mid-twenties, and it hurts when they joke about me never being a mom. Or saying things like my nephew will have kids before me. It hurts because a huge part of me does want to be a mom. I know I’m not ready at this very second, so much has to happen before making a step that huge. I just wish I could hear the thoughts of women who decided not to have kids and never wavered from that. Were they okay with that decision down the road? Did they have any regrets? Is it something that eventually haunts them when they’re over 50? These are the things I wonder. My husband still doesn’t really want any, but it just seems like all I can think about these days. Who knows what will happen in the next few years. I don’t know what the future holds, but I just to trust and believe that if I’m meant to be a mom then it will happen. What else can I do? 😞
Thanks for allowing me be a little vulnerable for a second.