Lately I’ve been in my head a lot. I don’t know why, but it feels like I constantly compare myself to others. In a previous post I’ve wrote about comparing ourselves and how we shouldn’t do it. I understand that our journey is our own. It’s unique to us. I get that and understand it, but I am still human. I’m getting closer to where I want to be each and every day, but I’m still no where near where I want to be. It’s hard when it feels like everyone is surpassing you and figuring life out. It’s like I start to think and ask myself: what am I doing wrong? I then beat myself up about the choices I made in the past. Why didn’t I find an internship? I should’ve continued doing work study. Why didn’t I volunteer more? Why didn’t I prepare myself? These are the questions I continue to ask myself.
I know I shouldn’t look back, and I know that one of the worst things you can do is to stress about the past (or even the future). We should focus on the present. When you live in the past you miss so many things that are happening right now. It’s so hard not to go there, but there’s no point crying over spilled milk. What’s done is done. In my past post: https://ellerey.com/2020/12/06/judging-yesterdays-self-with-todays-wisdom/ . I mentioned how it isn’t fair to beat yourself up about past mistakes with today’s wisdom. I know it’s crazy to get mad at myself about the choices I made 10 years ago when I’ve learned so much since then. I should know better, but I guess I am still a work in progress. We are our biggest critics. I’m trying my best to silence the noise in my head and staying focused on my goals and dreams. I can’t keep comparing myself to others who are more settled in life. I have different goals and different dreams. We are all in our own lanes. I need to stop looking on the side of me and start focusing on what’s straight ahead. There’s nobody running in this race but me.