I know it has been a while, but if you’ve read my last post then I know that you can understand why. Lately I’ve been taking the time to heal and go on, but I’m not going to lie it’s been rough. Some days it feels like I’m just finding out all over again. Losing a parent is something that can rock your whole world and leave you mentally and emotionally empty. Most days I have to remind myself why I have to keep going, but to be completely honest a part of me feel so hollow that it’s hard to push myself. I feel out of it sometimes and the other times when I’m aware I wish I was out of it, so I won’t have to deal with reality. The emotional pain runs so deep it feels like torture. I keep hearing that after a year everything will get better, but it just doesn’t seem possible. It’s hard to push through when you keep feeling like you’re falling apart.
Lately my days range from okay to horrible. On my okay days I’ve been trying to focus on what’s going to add happiness to my life. Any piece of joy that I can find I want to add it to my life. Maybe if I had kids, it would be different (as far as reasons to keep going), but as of now all I can do is indulge in the little things and take it moment by moment. Before this ever happened, my heart has always gone out to people who lost a parent. I admired their strength when they kept going and I just looked at them like how do they do it? And if it looked like they couldn’t, I understood. I never judged because I knew beforehand that you can’t put a timeline on when you will heal. I knew then that it would be earth shattering. Fast-forward to now and actually experiencing it I’m glad that I never judged anyone’s journey because it’s the hardest thing I’ve ever experienced in life.
Love and light to anyone who has lost a parent, and if you haven’t but know someone who has check up on them from time to time. Most people check up on them the first week and then disappear, but after the funeral and when the world quiets down that’s when they need love the most. I know that everyone has different relationships with their parents, so we might all have different experiences. As a person who had a great loving relationship with their parents, I can say that it changes you and the pain is unbearable. You constantly feel like you’re on the edge. So please be mindful about what you say to others and show a lot of love and patience. We’re doing the best we can and most of us are just trying to stay sane as we navigate through life.
Thank you for taking time out of your day to read my new blog post. I hope to go back to documenting my journey soon. Sometimes I just need to vent and express what I’m feeling just in case someone comes along who can relate to any struggle that I’m currently facing. I always want to share my experiences to let people know that they are not alone. Thanks again and I hope you have a great day. XOXO -Elle