JustGottaMakeIt

       While I was headed out of town last week I was listening to different podcasts on the road, and one of the podcasts was talking about their Enneagram number. They had a panel of people talking about how your number can show you some hard truths. If you’re completely honest while taking the test it can help you identify your strengths and weaknesses and inform you how to move forward to become a better version of yourself. When I got home, I was quite curious about it, and I wanted to know my number and the meaning behind it. First, I tried my best to find a free online test, but the best one I could find was from the Truity site. I took the test and received my numbers. I headed to the Enneagram Institute site to read up on my type. I’m not going to lie I was completely gobsmacked! I felt seen and I felt checked, like someone just checked me and released some hard truths. As much as I didn’t want to be identified as that number, I couldn’t deny it. I was a TYPE 4.

TYPE 4: The Individualist

The first description line on the first page made me feel like I was a horrible person (It was the worth one), but once I clicked on the link and started to read about it more in depth, I started to feel a little better. They also give you a list of well-known Type Fours and it made me feel a little better knowing Angelina Jolie, Frida Kahlo and Johnny Depp are also type 4. However, it’s still not the number that I would hope to be. I started to ponder on the parts that really resonated with me. The part of always feeling misunderstood or never really fitting in. I’ve been pretty much a loner most of my life, and I find that my interests didn’t match with most of my peers.  I used to try to force it as an adolescent, but after a certain age I just realized that I’m not an extrovert and I don’t like extroverted activities. A few things that I really related with is how we tend to feel socially awkward, self-conscious and we often compare ourselves to others. We tend the feel like there is something missing about us and we’re always on a journey of self-discovery. They also say that we are the romantics of the enneagrams, and we want someone to come into our lives and appreciate the part that we hide from the world. It’s funny because there’s a line that I love in movies and stories that always makes me cry. It’s when a person says “I See You” to the one that’s hurting. To the one that’s wearing a mask breaking inside and they think that no one notices and then a person comes along and says I See You, and then they instantly start to cry. I can recall a couple movies that has that line, and it makes me emotional every single time. In the overview they also mention how we tend to hold on to past pain and negative feelings, and I can vouch for that. I rarely let people in because of the pain that I’ve felt from the past. I’m always guarded and protected. The last thing that really shook me was the part where they mentioned how hard fours are on themselves, and how they often imagine better versions of themselves. I’ve always been a daydreamer. To escape from emotional pain, I would imagine my life differently. A life where I am where I want to be. Some people might just call it visualization, but they refer to as living in a fantasy world. What can I say? I do live in a fantasy world all the time. Sometimes I just need a break from reality.

On the other hand, there were some things that I liked about being a Type 4. I loved that we can also be labeled as creative, self-aware, compassionate, humane, and emotionally honest. One thing I have is a lot of empathy, and I never want to make people feel like their feelings don’t matter. I thought that was a beautiful characteristic to have and I’ll take it! At the bottom they offer personal growth tips for type fours and I’m going to try to apply them to my life. I will try not to pay so much attention to my feelings, something that I used to be good at. It’s a little harder these days to put my feelings to the side, but when it comes to the smaller issues, I will try to do that. I will try to become a little more self-disciplined and not to put things off so much. I will accept that it’s not always going to be the right time to do something, so sometimes you have to just act now and not let fear hold you back. Last but not least, I will try to refrain from having lengthy conversations in my head. I tend to do that a lot and I looked at it as a form of therapy. Sometimes I found out things about myself when I did that. I’ve had a lot of emotional breakthroughs that way, and maybe that’s why they say we are very self-aware and in tune with our feelings, but I guess I’ll have to stick to using a form of art as my therapy (since that’s when fours are at their best).

Do I Recommend this test/survey?

Yes! I really do. If you take this quiz, please be very honest with every answer. You would want to get your accurate number so it can really help with personal growth. Don’t try to get what you wish you could be. Sometimes we might wish we were another number, but we are constantly evolving, so 5 to 10 years from now you might be a completely different number. I took this test again as if I was my younger self. I wanted to get an idea and a side by side on how I changed. I know that I can’t get a clear side by side since I’m not 100% sure how I would answer these questions, but I know how I used to be. I’m still similar to my old self as far as being socially introverted, shy, withdrawn, nice, caring, and self-conscious, but I’m not as passive and I speak up for myself when I feel wronged. I don’t bury my feelings and keep everything to myself. Somethings changed and some things remained the same and I’m going to compare both charts in my next post tomorrow.

Before I end this post, I want to briefly go over the other numbers in my top three. So, here’s my top 3:

1. The Individualist (4)
2. The Investigator (5)
3. The Achiever (3) & The Challenger (8) was a tie for third place.

I feel like 4 and 5 almost go hand in hand. Five is known for being isolated, perceptive, and can possibly get involved in imaginary worlds. I guess that explains how I am so out of touch with reality sometimes. 😬. On the other hand, I love the fact that fives are known as visionaries and innovators who can master skills that interests them. I love that they also used the word “Whimsical” because I’ve always referred to myself as whimsical. They are drawn to the unusual and the overlooked. They are called the Investigators because they always want to know the WHY, and that is so me! As for the two that tied for third, I will say they that those are the ones that I’m growing in. The self-assured, driven, ambitious three, and the Brave, Confident eight is something I’ve improved in along the way, and I’m going to credit that to finding my voice and discovering my passions over the years. I will get more into that in tomorrow’s post. Thank you for taking time out of your day to stop by. I appreciate it. Have a great night and I hope you tune in for tomorrow night’s post. xoxo

References:

The Enneagram Institute. (n.d.). The Nine Enneagram Type Descriptions. The Enneagram Institute. Retrieved December 6, 2021, from https://www.enneagraminstitute.com/type-descriptions.