Welcome back! Today is part 2 of my enneagram analysis. As mentioned in yesterday’s post, after discovering my enneagram number I wanted to retake the quiz as if I was my younger self. I know that it cannot be 100% accurate because I could’ve possibly answered these questions slightly different during that particular time. On the other hand, I still feel like I know myself enough and I clearly remember how I used to be and how I used to think. So here is a side by side of me taking the test as me then and me now:
Looking at both of these charts, side by side makes perfect sense to me. As much as I didn’t like it, I really felt like the quiz was very accurate. My number described me very well, and if you want to read how I went in depth on being a Type 4 click the link here ( https://ellerey.com/2021/12/05/i-got-checked-by-my-enneagram-number-blogmas-5/ ). Okay, so let’s discuss the Past chart.
TYPE 5: The Investigator
I definitely could see myself being a strong 5 in my teenage years as well as my early twenties. I also can see why type 5 came in second place for me today, because some things haven’t changed much. I tend to get heavily involved in my projects or hobbies that I might neglect the things that I should be doing. I did it then, and I do that now. I get an idea and I get consumed with it and everything else kind of falls by the wayside. Another trait that hasn’t changed is my ability to trust. At a very young age I started to realize that you can’t trust everybody. I’ve learned that from having a group of friends and whenever someone was missing from the group that day all the other girls would talk about that friend. My first thought was wow, I wonder what they’re saying about me when I am not around. I would never partake in it, but I always observed and knew to be careful. Situations like this happened well into my adolescent years. It was the same script, but different cast. I’ve also been betrayed a lot by friends and boyfriends, so as the years went by, I was a straight up wall. I only allowed very few people in. I will say that I am a little better than I was before, but that’s because now I can automatically weed out who’s there for me and who’s not. I used to bottle everything inside and now I do have a few people that I can trust and go to when it comes to personal things and just being vulnerable. Last, but not least I did (and still do) get so caught up in my ideas, vision, and imaginary world that I did (and still do) come off as detached and a little disconnected with reality. Being out of touch with reality is also a Type 4 trait, which is why I am not surprised to score strong in type 4 & 5. The other type 5 trait I have is in the name itself … Investigator. I also always wanted to know the reason for everything. I felt like I had to figure out the why. I overanalyzed everything to try to come up with an answer, and that hasn’t changed as much overtime. So being a type 5 then and having it as my second largest number now doesn’t come as a surprise.
One thing that I found interesting is the shift in Type 9. Type 9 went from the second place to eighth place. Which is not shocking because one thing that has changed about me is that I speak my mind more than I did then. I was definitely the peace maker. I wanted everyone to get along. I was all for repairing people’s friendships. If I saw two friends fall out, I tried my best to put them back together. I was also a little more passive then so I would go along with what other people wanted. I was more of the go with the flow, as long as it didn’t compromise my morals. I wanted everyone to be happy. I didn’t share a lot with others, but I listened to everyone’s problems, and I was a person that people would confide in. I was nice and I always thought about people’s feelings, but some people took my kindness for weakness. I think the decline in type 9 from then to now is because I spend a lot of time alone. I don’t have to deal with a lot of people, and I don’t have to always play the part of the peacemaker. Another reason why there could be a decline is that I learned that a lot of people were selfish and that’s not necessarily a bad thing, but I thought of others more. Over the years I learned to exchange that same energy, and now people usually get what they give. I also prioritize my mental health more, and I am quick to walk away from people who were frenemies or what I like to call … faux friends. So, I’m not surprised that I am a full-on Type 4. You can also see that #8 (The Challenger) increased and that’s also because I speak up and not afraid to bring up an issue. I also credit being a president of an organization in college, that helped a lot as for as developing leadership skills (a Type 8 trait). It really pushed me out of my comfort zone. I’m still a little reserved, but I was very quiet and shy back then, so I’ve came a long way.
All in all, I was happy to see that I’ve grown a lot when it comes to self-awareness and achievement. My goals are playing a bigger part in my life. I like that I don’t let people walk over me. I am more protecting of me, but I don’t want to lose that part of me who cared. It’s bittersweet. On one hand I like that I put myself first a lot more, and on the other hand I miss being that person who has a big heart, even when people didn’t deserve my kindness or second chances. Sometimes I feel like this world needs more people who spreads love and is always there to lend an ear and validate someone’s feelings. On the other hand, that also backfired on me. I might not have the same patience, but I’m still a compassionate empath. I’m just making myself a priority, and that’s okay.
The Enneagram Institute. (n.d.). The Nine Enneagram Type Descriptions. The Enneagram Institute. Retrieved December 6, 2021, from https://www.enneagraminstitute.com/type-descriptions.