JustGottaMakeIt

Happy New Year Everyone! I hope your new year is off to a great start. I remember every New Year’s Eve I would write a brand-new New Year resolution, until I noticed that from year to year my list never really changed. Once I stopped, I felt like that’s when I finally started checking off the things I’ve had on my list for years. Sometimes that list felt like a jinx. Now, I’m just all about taking the pressure off and seeing what happens. I’m tired of the disappointment and frankly after a year like last year I just want to be happy, or should I say happily distracted. After experiencing so many losses (not to mention the gigantic gut-wrenching loss last year) I just want to be with the people that matter. I want to be around loved ones more. I want more memories and genuine happiness that doesn’t depend solely on my goals. If I reach my goals, then Great! That would be amazing! If not, then I want to still be happy. Since I was a Teen the only thing, I dreamed about was a career, and where I wanted to be in terms of success. I’ve wasted so much time obsessing about it and equating it to happiness. Looking back, some of the best moments were times when I was lost the most. Quality time is so precious, and it’s something I never look back on and regret. It’s something we all can appreciate, and when our loved ones are gone, they hold even more value. I know it’s hard to spend time with one another and have family gatherings during this pandemic, but maybe it would be nice to just have some one-on-one time. I want more personal time with all the people I love. Through all of the sadness and rain I’m just hoping for some rainbows.

I don’t know what 2022 will bring. I don’t even want to guess. I just want to take it day by day and live in the moment. I’ve been losing myself in this grief. It felt like I was drowning. I’ve been constantly trying to pick myself up and go forward. I always felt like I had tunnel vision and I was just focused on the journey. Today, it’s like … what tunnel? I had to put the binoculars down and look at my surroundings as a whole. I hope I do achieve my goals, but I just want to smile. I want to be immersed in love. I want to indulge in the things that are priceless… Quality Time with lots of Love and Laughter. I wish everyone happiness and love. Hug your family, friends and loved ones. Make a ton of new memories and capture the happy moments. XOXO