Love & Enneagrams (Are Some Enneagram Types Doomed to Fail in Relationships?)

          Today I was feeling a little curious about enneagram types and their best relationship matches. This past December I made two posts about finding out what my enneagram number was and how I felt about it. It was very accurate. I would say about 90% accurate. There were things that I didn’t like, and there were things that I did like. After I took the test, I wanted my husband to take the test too. His results were very accurate as well. I was a true Type 4, and he was a true Type 1. One thing that was alarming is when looking at the Type 1 summary is that type 4 was mentioned. It stated that when Type Ones are stressed, they become moody and irrational at Four. Out of all the types, it just had to be Four. Lol. After that I was so interested in diving deeper into the relationship compatibility of the types. What I discovered was that Ones are likely to be in a relationship (and typically longer relationships), while Fours like being single. Even though Fours are known to be “The Romantic” out of all the types, their relationships tend to fall flat. It’s said that maybe it’s because the relationship always seems to fall short of what a Four is expecting it to be.

          I was looking at the numbers and the numbers that they are typically matched with. Ones, Nines and Twos were hot commodities. Almost all the types gravitated towards them. The sad thing is not every connection was mutual. Four tends to flock to Ones and Nines, but it’s not really reciprocated. Ones tend to gravitate towards Twos and Nines, and all types seem to want a One. For Ones, it looks like the world is their Oyster.

          What I found to be interesting is that my top two types (Type 4 & Type 5) are the two types that are rarely in relationships (and if they are it’s usually less than a year), and they are said to be happiest when single. Type Fives are introverted, and I could see why they were the least likely to be in a relationship, and happier when alone. However, my husband’s top types were the opposite from mine. Type Ones tend to always be in a relationship and Type Two & Three are at their happiest when they’re in a relationship. As I look back at both of our past relationship history, I’ve only had one other long relationship. The rest of my relationships were basically the length of seasons. As for my husband, he was rarely single. Like most Libras, they can never be alone (harmless joke, please don’t take offence 😁). All of his relationships were fairly long and back-to-back. I on the other hand could be single with no problem. I never felt like I had to be in a relationship. If it happened, it happened. Don’t get me wrong, I am a lover of love. I love LOVE and ROMANCE! I can’t get enough of it, but maybe I do have different expectations when it comes to relationships. I can’t speak for all Type Fours, but for me, they might be right.  Type Fours are said to romanticize everything and live in a dream world, and I can see real life falling short of that fairytale. It’s also said that we have more relationships than the average person (usually short). I don’t know about that. I didn’t have A LOT, but they were short lived, and I tend to lose interest quicker than most. To be honest, it’s almost scary how accurate these results are from just one test.

          So how is this Type 4 and Type 1 handling this relationship? Well, we are apparently different. Sometimes we are in sync and other times we are completely different like we’re living on two separate planets. As the years go by, I think our differences might be becoming more of an issue. I am more whimsical and he’s more methodical. We have the typical Kite and String relationship dynamic, which (in my opinion) describes the Type 4 and Type 1 relationship fairly well. I am the high-spirited kite, and he is the grounded string. We do provide a balance to each other’s lives. I often feel like the sky is the limit, and he wants to play it safe. He likes stability. It feels like in most relationships there’s always a kite and string dynamic, but not all strings want that dynamic. Sometimes strings want to be with another string. Sometimes they want someone who’s just as structured, grounded and routine as they are. Every so often I do fear that this Type 4 kite might be too untamed for her methodical Type 1 string. Only time will tell.

What’s your Enneagram Number? Have you and your spouse/partner taken this test? Let me know in the comment section below! 😉

Thanks for Stopping By!


The Enneagram Institute. (n.d.). The Nine Enneagram Type Descriptions. The Enneagram Institute. Retrieved March 2, 2022, from


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