I don’t know what it is, but lately I’ve been afraid to think big. It feels like when I get my hopes up, I get let down so it’s easier to just not think so far ahead. I hate saying what I truly want (whether in my head or out loud) in fear that I will jinx it or something. At first, I thought it was just me until I had conversations with others, and I saw how other people felt the exact same way. You hear motivational speakers always say: claim what you want and speak it into existence. You hear people say: believe it and you’ll achieve it. Visualize it and it will happen. I’ve done it all and sometimes it’s like once I say it that’s when a roadblock usually pops up and that has happened so much that I’ve been too afraid to say anything (or even think about it). I just want to work on things without thinking about the possibilities that it could bring.
I remember when I did that experiment where I took my goals off the table. The mission was to take the pressure off. I just did whatever I could do and wrote down everything I did each day in a notebook. I didn’t plan out anything I just decided what I was doing by how I felt each day. Every day was spontaneous. After that experiment I realized that I did the most I’ve ever done during that time. I was the most consistent. Roadblocks and detours didn’t pop up and I felt more at peace with how things were going. When I took the pressure off it just seems like things fell into a rhythm naturally.
I’m not sure why things happen the way they do. Maybe it’s better to not overly plan or obsess over things. Maybe deep down I’m so used to things happening (when I allow myself to acknowledge my dreams) that I expect something to pop up because it always has before, and by expecting it I’m bringing it to life. Or maybe it’s the old saying “If you want to hear God laugh, tell him your plans” kind of thing. Things never really worked out on my desired timing, but that doesn’t mean it didn’t work out. Majority of the things that I accomplished took longer than I would have liked. Although I would like to achieve one thing in my adult life in my desired timeframe, but at least I can say I never gave up. I kept going until I achieved it.
Moving Forward I’m not sure if I should remove the pressure once again and go with the flow, or maybe try to rewire the way I think. Maybe I should claim it in my mind and repeat out loud (like affirmations) that it’s going to happen regardless of roadblocks and setbacks. I’m not sure what I’m going to do as I continue on with this journey. All I know is that I’m going to keep pushing and keep trying as usual. Maybe I have a lot more growing and shaping to do before I’m ready. You know what they say …. Timing is Everything.