Last year I spoke to you,
Last year I hugged you,
Last year was the last time that I saw you.
As this year comes to an end, it’s hard to grasp the fact that I can no longer say that it was just last year that I was in your presence.
I miss you more than you’ll ever know.
Some people say it gets easier after a year, but for me, that hasn’t been the case.
Somehow it hurts more.
Maybe its reality sitting in that you’re no longer coming back.
Maybe it’s me realizing I can no longer call you up or get a dad hug during the moments where I feel the weakest.
With you I was emotionally safe.
As long as you were here, I knew that I was okay.
Now that you’re gone, I feel like I’ve been flailing around trying to feel a sense of stability from within.
Some days I’m sad, some days I’m angry.
Some days I’m numb and on autopilot.
Other days I’m wearing a mask and trying to block the void with distractions.
I’m trying to get used to this new normal, but I’m having a tough time accepting it.
As I navigate into the new year, I can only hope that somehow, I will feel like myself again, and somehow the things that I once enjoyed I will enjoy again.