I Was Never a Fan of Change, but Now I’m Desperate for It.

          As a person who initially hated change, I must say that I’m hoping for a wave of change to come through. Not just any change of course, but some good change. So much has gone wrong and I’m just ready for something new. Lately I’ve been yearning to move to a new city or town. I want new scenery and somewhat of a fresh start. In the last year, I’ve been seeing a few people (who have gone through similar situations as me) move to start fresh. They seem happy with their decision, or at least it seems that way. There are so many reminders here. I just want to be somewhere where no one knows me. It’s just been a lot going on to the point where it’s hard keeping my head above water. Although I’ve been doing my best to stay busy and to stay focused on the things that keep me stable and composed. It’s just challenging when you’re an empath in the midst of a negative environment. You have to try to escape your inner dark thoughts and keep from absorbing the darkness from the people around you. If you’re not around positive people, you can easily get sucked into a mental black hole when you’re in that type of situation. It’s like you’re fighting your mental battle and theirs at the same time. It’s a daily challenge. Some days you have it all under control, and other days you feel like you’re unraveling. On those bad days you start to wonder if things will ever come together to the point where you can finally exhale.

          Moving forward I want to challenge myself to try new things. I’m currently not in the position to move to a different city so I need to learn how to make the best out of the situation that I am in. Or maybe I should just pretend. You know what they say: Fake it until you Make it. People have told me that it actually worked for them. They kept telling themselves how they felt and then they actually started to believe it. I guess it’s similar to replaying affirmations in your head. It’s hard for me to pretend to feel something that I don’t, but desperate times call for desperate measures. As long as it’s not harmful to myself or no one else I’m willing to try. It’s a work in progress, so I’m not going to pretend that I can make immediate changes, but I’m going to try to live as if I’m doing great in hopes that it will bring change. I’m longing for it, and I must continue to go through this trial-and-error phase until I find what works. I’m ready to start a new chapter, or maybe even a new book. I just don’t want to be stagnant in this quicksand of misery and despair. In the words of Stacie Orrico, There’s Gotta Be More to Life.


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