Elle Rey📚

          Recently I watched a video of Jay Shetty’s Podcast on YouTube. There was a love expert (Stephan Labossiere) on there who spoke on love and relationships, and I thoroughly enjoyed it (I will link the video down below). The discussion was filled with gems and my first thought was how I need to write about this and share my thoughts on it. At first, I thought that EVERYONE should watch this video before they get married, but actually, people should watch this before they even start dating with purpose. It starts from the very beginning. In order to not waste anyone’s time then there are certain things that you should do from day one. There were a few things that I would have never even thought about, and once they were said it seemed so obvious. I don’t know how I missed it. Where was this video when I was dating? 😂

           One thing that the love expert mentioned is how when we first start dating, we tend to try to impress the person by putting on another persona (or doing things that aren’t who we really are in order to come across as appealing). For example, if you’re a guy who hates fine dining or anything romantic, but you do it a lot in the beginning in order to impress the woman you are pursuing eventually you will hit a point to where you don’t want to do it anymore. Our true self will emerge eventually, and when it does it basically blindsides the other person. You were selling an imaginary part of yourself, and you can’t get mad when the other person is disappointed. You led them to believe that that’s something that would be a part of your relationship, when you clearly knew that it wasn’t you from the beginning. It really resonated with me because we tend to do that a lot in the beginning (men and women). When we really like someone, we will sometimes try to come off as someone that we think will be more likeable in their eyes. We send in that representative of ourselves to keep the fantasy going. In the moment I can see why people naturally try to portray a certain image, but in the long run, it’s going to bite you in the butt. You have to show them who you are. People tend to blame the other person for being upset, when in reality they were sold a fake dream. If anything, they should be upset. They weren’t getting the real you, and that could’ve been a dealbreaker for them. Only show what you can sustain. If you can’t sustain it, don’t do it. Don’t cheat them of what they truly want and don’t cheat yourself. Either you’re going to keep doing it and become unhappy or stop doing it and then they will be unhappy.

          Another gem that the love expert stated was how the Safe Choice is the Wrong Choice. We often go with what feels safe. If we feel like the person loves us so much, we tend to settle and say it’s safe here, I might as well stay. The problem with this path is that you’ll never be what they need because you’re not really into them, and I get that. When love is one-sided it’s going to always be a struggle. It’s like forcing yourself to do something you’re not passionate about, but settling because the pay is decent and you’re afraid to take a chance on what you really want. You would rather play it safe, and when we play it safe our heart is never fully in it. As much as we try to push ourselves into it there’s always going to be a slight resistance. You can lie to yourself and ignore it all you want, but there is a difference. I know that a lot of people do this, especially after getting hurt multiple times. After numerous heartbreaks you might settle for the person that loves you in a way that you’ve never been loved before, even though you don’t share the same feelings. You know the old saying: If you can’t be with the one you love, then you might as well love the one you’re with. However, I would advise against that because it’s just not fair to both of you.

          The last gem that I want to point out is how a lot of people meet the unconscious version of the person that they’re with. Many people think that their partner has changed, when in reality they met the unconscious version of them and now they’re finding out who they are and just starting to understand themselves. This rang so many bells for me because I’ve met people who had no idea who they were, so they were more of the go with the flow type. They had no idea what they wanted. They never even gave it a second thought. I didn’t even know that it was possible to move through life without any type of want or desire that you aim to achieve someday. A lot of us dream about where we want to live, what kind of person we want to be with, where we want to travel, what career we want to have and what our lives would look like. Believe it or not, some people don’t think about any of that. Some people have no idea who they are or what they want, and then they attach themselves to someone and go along with their path until they finally wake up. Once they finally get to know themselves their partner is usually in for a big surprise. This is why it’s important to know yourself before you hop into a relationship. Don’t be in a rush. Take the time to figure yourself out. Trust me when I say, it’s for the best!

There were many more gems, but I don’t want to go over them all. I STRONGLY suggest that you watch this video if you are dating with marriage in mind. I wish I had watched this video when I was 21 or 22. If you are already married this video can open your eyes to some harsh realities, and if you’re not married yet then this can really guide you into making better decisions. Once again, I Strongly encourage you to watch this video in its entirety. Thanks for Stopping By!

👉 Watch Video Here: https://youtu.be/mPQBcb9wf8Q