Elle Rey📚

          It’s interesting how two people who are close to you can both see you differently. How can two people who know you so well see two completely different things? Usually, one would think that the people who are close to you would all see the same thing. In other words, if I asked my loved ones to write about my character traits, I would assume that everyone’s answer would be similar. Now I know that that is not always the case. It’s fascinating how we all see things from different perspectives. One person can see a winner and the other person can see a failure. It’s all subjective. I thought a lot about this after I heard two different things in less than 48 hours. Someone told me how they admire my consistency and how I’m willing to commit, and at least I’m trying. While someone else told me how I don’t try, and I just give up. Two different people who are close to me see two completely different traits in me. It makes me question which one is right, or if they’re both right in their own way.

          I’ve mentioned in past posts many times how I don’t always finish things in a timely manner, but I always manage to finish. I struggle with the feeling of defeat, but I always manage to get back up again. I know by some people’s standards; some may see me as a failure. I know some people don’t get me or understand what it’s like to live in my body and mind, and that’s fine. I can’t make them see what I see or feel what I feel. I can only be me. With that being said, I want to focus on what I see. There comes a time when you realize that you’re not going to fulfill everyone’s expectations. You have to know who you are and stand by that. In my counseling sessions I was told by my counselor to stop letting other people’s words carry so much weight over me. I was told that I need to focus on being a better me for me, and not going by someone else’s scale. Something small to someone can be something huge for someone else. It’s about growing and being better than you were yesterday, last week or last year.

          It’s hard not to take people’s words to heart, especially when it’s someone you care about. It’s easier to see ourselves through someone else’s eyes when it’s from a negative view. Sometimes I wish I could see myself from the eyes of the people who think highly of me. If I did, maybe I wouldn’t beat myself up so much when I fall short of what’s expected. My mission this year is to block out those negative voices and listen to my own heart. I want to see myself from the outside looking in. What do I genuinely think? Am I being too hard on myself? Or am I not being hard enough? I’m not sure, but what I am sure of is wanting to live life not being affected by negative opinions of me, no matter from whom it comes. To do that I have to have a strong unshakeable sense of self, and that journey starts now.