Elle Rey📚

          There are a lot of things I might not understand. Sometimes I take things as signs, and sometimes I’m just left pondering and second guessing everything. Usually when people find out that you’re getting a divorce they say things like: “I’m so sorry” or “I’m so sorry to hear that.” But not in this case. When people hear that I’m getting a divorce they say “Good” or “Good for you.” When did the word divorce become the equivalent of a congratulations. You would think I received a high honor. The odd part is that it all came from people who knew nothing about my marriage (people outside my close circle). As for the people who are close to me, they just say that they hate to see me go through this, but it needed to happen. Others just say that they don’t know how I stayed for as long as I did, because they would’ve left a long time ago.  I honestly feel that it’s easier to stay than most people expect.

          When you go into a marriage expecting it to last forever you don’t think about jumping ship as soon as it gets hard. From the outside looking in, sure you can say that you would leave, but when it’s your marriage you try to stick it out. If it’s not something that seems as huge as cheating or getting beat on, then you usually try to make it work. However, I never knew how much emotional neglect and constant disparaging words can break you down overtime. You don’t realize it, until you are years into it. You just keep thinking it’s just a rough patch, it’s just a rough season. That’s what you tell yourself until a season turns into seasons, and then years. It messed me up so much to the point that I kept doubting myself, because how can I not believe what’s being repeatedly said to me years on out. Loved ones can tell me different, but how can I reprogram my brain after hearing the same on a consistent basis. It’s going to take a lot of self-work.

          A came across a short video talking about one of the scariest things is when someone wears a mask for so long that they start to believe they are who they’re pretending to be. They buried all the pieces that they never healed from for so long that when the trauma finally resurfaces, they blame it on you, because they forgot where it really came from. That video really hit me deep. It’s wild how most of us don’t see certain things while we’re in the thick of it, but the clarity when you come out of it is unreal. I may not fully understand the responses I’m getting from people hearing the news, but maybe I should take it as a sign that this was in fact, the right move for me. I just