Last night I had a dream. I dreamt that I was trying to decide what college I should go to for my third degree. I always have a recurring dream of going back to the third college I attended, but in this one I was trying to decide between four options. I was trying to pick the best school out of the four. In my mind I felt that if I went to the best then maybe finding a job would be easier. Maybe subconsciously I feel like if I got a degree from a better school I would’ve had better luck in landing a job, or even receiving more callbacks for interviews. While I was making the decision in my dream I also wondered if I had the ability to finish the degree at a harder university. That part probably stems from the hard time I had finishing my last degree. If I had a hard time finishing my degree at an average university, then maybe it would be twice (or three times) as hard at a harder school. It’s crazy because sometimes dreams are just dreams, and other times dreams can be some of your greatest repressed innermost thoughts. I have had thoughts of feeling inadequate when I compare myself to others who have graduated from top universities. I even wondered if I would have graduated from my third college would things have gone better for me. I tried to start on another degree almost 2 years ago, but It gave me so much anxiety. My anxiety was connected to all of the bad memories, stress and struggles I had finishing my graduate degree. It was like mild PTSD flashbacks, and as a person who actually was diagnosed with PTSD from a past situation, I can say that the feelings were close.
I don’t know why I often dream of being back in college. Maybe it’s because I’ve been a student for most of my twenties and it just feels like a part of me (identity wise). Or maybe it’s because during my time on campus I experienced some of my most exciting moments (but unfortunately some of my worst). Maybe deep down I do want to go back to school. After doing a little research some articles stated that dreaming of being in college is your desire for success and advancement. It can also be fears of future security and maybe be a reminder to live up to your fullest potential. I think about my future often, so it could be either one of those. I am a person who often dreams and can recall a lot of the dreams that I have each night, but it’s always interesting if I start to have recurring or slightly similar dreams. Maybe it’s time to makes some clear-cut choices, or maybe it’s time to actually bet on myself and push my dreams to the limit. I guess we will see sooner or later.