I feel like I’m currently in this transitional period between comfort zone and ready to soar. You know the moment when people are constantly poked and pushed until they finally start to fight back? Well, that can happen with life as well. It can feel like life is pushing you and pushing you until you finally break. The moment you think it’s over, somehow, you get that rush of adrenaline and you’re ready to take the steering wheel and regain control over your life. I felt like I was just letting life beat me down, and now I’m finally standing up. Maybe life is currently shoving me so hard because it knows that I am meant for something greater, and I have to leave my comfort zone to get to where I’m supposed to be. In the past few years, I’ve been making strides, but at a slow pace. Now I’m speeding up the tempo because I’m desperate to make something happen. I’ve never needed change more than I do right now. I saw a glimpse of my old self this past week and I noticed how much I’ve changed. I thought that bubbly girl was long gone, but all she had to do was place herself into a different environment in order to shine. Our environment really does play a role in our mood and mental state. I now see how much I am suffocating here.
When I was a young girl, I used to play Breakaway by Kelly Clarkson all the time. I always knew that I wanted to leave this city. I don’t hate where I’m from. On the contrary, I think it’s a nice place for people who are looking for a happy medium. I just think it’s time to move on. As a kid I wanted to be surrounded by the lights. I wanted to be in the heart of NYC, but as I get older it’s not really what I want anymore. I got to live in NY for a bit (during college time), but now I’m looking for something different. I’m looking for city meets charm. Not a big city, but not a small town either. In a perfect world it would be a beach town. I’m obsessed with ocean views, and it just seems to calm me and bring me peace. Maybe one day in the future I can live out that dream, but for now I will just have to settle on beach vacations. I don’t know what’s going to happen over the next few years. However, I’m hopeful that I will break away from this city and move to a place that not only fits my wants and desires, but also gives me the kind of fresh start that I’ve always dreamed of during the past few years. I regret that I didn’t push myself harder in the beginning, but I can’t focus on anymore regrets. I have to move forward and do the best I can with the resources that I have now. I really have to reach deep down and pull out that inner beast. I might not have always finished tasks or accomplished achievements in my desired timeframe, but at least I can say that I always kept going until I reached the finish line. Now, I feel more determined and consistent than ever before. Maybe it’s the desperation for change, or maybe I’m just in survival mode. I’ve never needed something to happen as fast as I do right now. I’m a different beast, and to be honest, I wish I had this determination from the beginning.
Elle Rey📚 