         In a few past posts over the years, I’ve spoken on Strength. I’ve mentioned how even in moments when we feel like we’re weak we are actually strong. We equate tears and breaking down from time to time to being weak, but every time we get up that shows how strong we actually are. No matter what we’re feeling we still choose to get up and fight another day. A lot of us don’t even realize just how strong we’ve become. Sometimes it takes us looking back at our past situations and occurrences. Sometimes it takes other people pointing it out to us.
         Recently I’ve opened up to a few people, and mentioned current situations that were weighing heavy on me. A few of them said wow, you’re stronger than me, because I couldn’t do it. I would’ve given up a long time ago. I even heard; You are way stronger than you think. Until they said that, I didn’t even realize it. I just figured this is just what people go through. It’s been such a crazy and confusing time for me, that I feel like I don’t even know what’s right and what’s wrong. What I mean by that is that I don’t know if something is deserved and justifiable. If I’m not pushing past my pain, then maybe I deserve certain actions and outcomes. (I might not be explaining things as clearly as I would like, because I’m trying not to be as open as I have been on here. I love being transparent, because I feel that you can really reach and help others by being transparent, but that also puts you in a place where you can be judged and ridiculed. In other words, I’ve been trying to find that balance where I can still leave a little mystery.) So, in order to try and simplify it, I fear if I’m not going above and beyond, past the point of comfortability in all areas of my life, then maybe I deserve the outcomes of my “lack of action” (Hopefully that was clear enough).
         Even with my feelings being validated, I’m still not sure what is deserved and what’s not. I know that we tend to be harder on ourselves and it’s hard to see the positive if we get most of our feedback from one negative critic. It’s not until you start hearing the voices of others you realize that you might not deserve the things that you thought you did. On the other hand, you wonder if the people you confide in just say things because they love you and it’s hard seeing the faults in the people you love and hold dear. I also know that I am around a lot of straight shooters who will tell me like it is regardless of our relationship, and with that it does give me comfort that maybe they are right. I am stronger than I feel. Through all the mental suffering I’ve managed to smile and find ways to laugh. I still have hopes and dreams. I’m not giving up even when I tell myself that I’m going to, but I always change my mind because giving up is not an option. I might be going through my most challenging time right now, but I WILL find a way. Things might not go as expected, and I might have to let go of certain plans that I once had, but who’s to say that those plans won’t be replaced by even better ones. Here’s to being hopeful for even greater things to make up for all the setbacks. 🥂
Elle Reyđź“š 