Elle Rey📚

          It’s amazing how you go through multiple phases throughout the divorce journey. I feel like I’ve hit the no energy phase, or maybe it’s just a deeper form of depression. Extreme fatigue is a usual symptom of mine when I fall into depression, but I don’t know why it feels different this time. Maybe it’s because I have so much on my shoulders at the moment. I have a very short window to get things in order and figure it all out. With everything that’s on my plate it’s just sending me to mental, emotional and physical exhaustion. However, I don’t have the time to go through all the emotions. I have too much to do. I have to start packing as I continue to search for a job. I need to get my health in order while I still have insurance. This is the time to do EVERYTHING that I need to do, but I am dragging my feet. The only thing that I’ve been doing faithfully is job searching, because it’s a very pressing matter that I find something as soon as I can. If I keep hitting dead ends, then I have no idea what I’m going to do. If you read my last post, then you know how frustrating it is to deal with all of these job scammers. It’s a horrible feeling when you see a job response in your email box, only to find out that it’s a scam. It’s like for a second you think you finally have been presented with a chance, then you get to the last few lines of the email, and you realize it’s bullshit. It sucks that there’s so much scamming going on these days. I feel for the people who have gone as far as giving them their social security number and bank account number. It’s a scary world out there, you have to be extra careful these days.

          My mission as I continue to go through this phase of my journey will be to dig deep and find that hidden energy. I feel so depleted (like I have nothing left to give), but this is my sprint after the marathon. I have no idea where I am going to find the energy that I need to get through the next few months, but I don’t have a choice. Just a few days ago I asked myself how am I going to do this? I am mentally, emotionally and physically drained. Everything is coming at me all at once, so how can I handle it all? Those are the questions that often come to my mind, but it’s one of those times when you know you’re going to get through it. You don’t know how you’re going to come out of it, but you know that YOU WILL come out of it. However, knowing that doesn’t make it any less scary. I guess I’m going to have to make adjustments to my diet and sleep schedule. I’m going to have to do whatever I can to get the energy I need to pull through. It’s a pain, but it’s time to sprint. This whole experience has given me a new understanding to women going through divorce. I was always aware that it was a lot, but it’s one thing to actually experience it. It’s kind of like grief. I always knew it would hurt losing a parent, and it felt actually how I imagined when it first happened. However, I had no idea the pain could get worse overtime. I never knew the second year would be harder than the first. It’s like through these circumstances I always imagined it being gut wrenching, but I never knew it could go beyond. There were so many times when I wanted to give up, but I’ve always found that strength to keep pushing. That’s what I have to remember in times like this. Even when all hope seems lost, even when there’s no light in sight as you continue to navigate through the tunnel, you have to keep believing that this isn’t how it ends for you. I might not see a speck of light right now, but I know that life can change for the better in the blink of an eye. I can’t lose hope now. Who knows, maybe tomorrow I’ll make a right turn and suddenly see that speck of light, and I’ll know that I’m finally getting closer to my destination.