Elle Rey📚

          One thing that has always been hard for me is letting go. Not just letting go but letting go and jumping into the unknown. This is the most frightened that I have ever been in my life.  Instead of just worrying about one or two things, I now have anxiety in every area of my life. I have no idea what my life is going to look like by summer or after. I’ve been trying my hardest to make things happen, so I won’t fall on my face. I’ve put so much time and energy into everything around me and It’s like the harder I try to hold on, the more things fall apart. So, I’m finally letting go of it all. I was listening to a message about letting go, and I think it’s time. I also want to be clear that I’m not talking about my marriage in particular (I’ve let go of that during the fall of last year). I’m talking about my home and some of the things that I wanted to achieve.

           I came into 2025 with loss (between grief and marriage), but I tried to save what I could. The place I call home being one of them. I really wanted to keep my place, as it was the first place I called home in my adult life. The first time I was out on my own, before getting married and my husband moving in. This place was my dream, and I hate saying goodbye to it. I also have to let go of some of the things that I wanted to achieve (career wise). A lot of things suddenly fell apart, and I don’t understand why, but maybe it’s moving me in a different direction. Maybe this spring is the season of cleansing, where I even have to let go of the things that I didn’t think I had to. I went into this year hopeful, but I knew it was a possibility. It’s hard to accept, but I’ve tried all that I could, and now I’m finally finding the courage to let go. Although I know that the final walkout will be hard, but that’s life.

          Instead of letting this consume me for the next couple months, I’m going to enjoy my home as much as possible until it’s time to say goodbye. As for closing the doors on some of the things that I saw myself doing, well—I guess it wasn’t meant to be. Maybe it’s time to start believing in myself when it comes to my true passion and life-long dream (that I’ve hinted to in my earlier blog days but never disclosed). And as for all these jobs I’ve been applying for, well I need to take a step back and assess. Maybe volunteer and learn new skills, because obviously my lack of experience in certain fields makes it so hard to compete with other applicants. I need something that will set me apart from a pile of 1000+ candidates. As scary as this chapter is, I’m trying to go into it with an open mind. I have my down days, but I never stay down for long.