Elle Rey📚

         It’s been a year since I’ve started phase 2 of my mental health journey. After doing what I could do on my own I finally caved in and started counseling and antidepressants last fall. I can’t say that counseling was effective. I tried so much on my own beforehand that I covered 97% of everything that they could teach me. However, it was worth a try and my counselor shared some helpful resources for other things that I have going on. My journey with anti-depressants has had a lot of ups and downs. Zoloft helped a lot with my daily anxiety, but not the big stuff. It didn’t do much for my depression either. I also hated the side effects that I experienced (excessive weight gain and my hair thinning). I switched to Wellbutrin in the mid-late spring. At first it was going okay, and I ended up upping my dose from 150mg to 300mg. The whole summer I felt like so unstable. I usually have a rough time with grief every June and July, but once August and September passed and I was actually getting worse I knew that something was wrong. I kept saying I’m feeling off and I don’t know why. I was crying throughout the day and my thoughts became dark. I was highly emotional, and every feeling I felt was intensified. I didn’t know what was going on with me. It was becoming scary. I started to think and wondered if it was my medication. After discussing it with my sister she agreed that it was most likely due to my medication. I started cutting my pill in half and I reached out to my doctor to see if she could lower my dosage back to 150mg.

       After a week I felt better. I was a bit more stable and levelheaded. Life has definitely been a roller coaster and I’m still dealing with everything the best that I can. Even though I’m still not where I want to be I’m trying to move forward. I still have a long way to go on this healing journey. I wished that I would’ve been in a better headspace after a year of counseling and medication, however, I’m learning that there’s not always a particular timeframe when it comes to healing. I also want to add that your environment plays a huge part in your healing. A stressful environment can surely stretch out that healing process. I hope that anyone who’s dealing with grief along with other life stressors have the love and support at home.

    I wanted to make this post in case there are some people who are on antidepressants right now who are not feeling like themselves. If you’re feeling off and notice continuous waves of unusual intense emotions, consult your doctor about your dosage. I feel like I’ve been in this long trial and error period. I’m trying my best to get through this dark tunnel. I wish everyone the best with their journey, and I hope that we will all get to a place where we can finally exhale and see the world in a brighter light. Sending love to all of you! xoxo ~Elle